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12-08-2011, 11:03 AM
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#126 | | Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Michigan
Posts: 228
| A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist minister walked into a bar....
the bartender said "What is this, some kind of joke?"....... | 
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12-08-2011, 11:14 AM
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#127 | | Alright, Who Farted!!?? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,537
| Quote:
Originally Posted by CartHeadMod  A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist minister walked into a bar....the bartender said "What is this, some kind of joke?"....... | And all three responded in unison and said, "No, it's Happy Hour!" | |
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12-08-2011, 11:15 AM
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#128 | | Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Michigan
Posts: 228
| The hotel clerk was standing at the check in counter when a tourist in a loud Hawaiian shirt came in....
"I need room for the night"
The clerk responded, "I'm sorry sir, we're booked up. And because of the convention in town I'm sure everyone else is as well".
The tourist laid a $100 bill on the counter and said "I'm sure there is something you can do".
"Well, we do have a room that's being redecorated. Take this key and have a look. If you think it will suit you I can let you have it."
Taking the key the tourist got on the elevator.
Just then another man stormed into the hotel. It was the baker from down the street. "Look here, you're three weeks overdue on your bills. Unless I get some money from you, I'm not bringing you any cinnamon rolls for breakfast!"
The hotel clerk eyed the $100 bill on the counter. What the heck, the tourist had no other options. He would take the room. "Here! Here's a $100 on our bill!"
The baker walked out of the hotel with a smile on his face. Unfortunately, the first person he met was the grocer. "You still owe me for last week's flour delivery. I want my money. Now!"
Reluctantly, the baker gave the $100 to the grocer.
The grocer walked across the street to the lawyer's office. Oddly, even though it was still early, the door was locked. He pounded on it.
The lawyer came to the door, a bit disheveled. The grocer said "Here's the retainer you needed to start my divorce. Get things going" and he left.
A few minutes later a prostitute came out of the lawyer's office tucking a $100 bill in her blouse. She walked across the street to the hotel and went up to the counter. "Henry, here's your $100 for the month. Thanks for the tip about the guy in Room 212. I made a bundle." She laid the bill on the counter.
Just then the elevator door opened, the tourist came out. "I'm sorry, that room just won't do". He picked up the $100 bill and left.
Keep in mind. In this story, only the lawyer got screwed. | |
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12-08-2011, 01:31 PM
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#129 | | Couldnt take it anymore Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Mod impersonation carries a stiff penalty YKWYA
Posts: 10,761
| Two men were walking down the street on a nice day. The one says to the other " Its a really great day to be out." So the other says " Yea you right, I think I'll put mine out too"
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12-08-2011, 02:14 PM
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#130 | | I like it hot and wet! Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tonganoxie, KS
Posts: 2,166
| Quote:
Originally Posted by CartHeadMod The hotel clerk was standing at the check in counter when a tourist in a loud Hawaiian shirt came in....
"I need room for the night"
The clerk responded, "I'm sorry sir, we're booked up. And because of the convention in town I'm sure everyone else is as well".
The tourist laid a $100 bill on the counter and said "I'm sure there is something you can do".
"Well, we do have a room that's being redecorated. Take this key and have a look. If you think it will suit you I can let you have it."
Taking the key the tourist got on the elevator.
Just then another man stormed into the hotel. It was the baker from down the street. "Look here, you're three weeks overdue on your bills. Unless I get some money from you, I'm not bringing you any cinnamon rolls for breakfast!"
The hotel clerk eyed the $100 bill on the counter. What the heck, the tourist had no other options. He would take the room. "Here! Here's a $100 on our bill!"
The baker walked out of the hotel with a smile on his face. Unfortunately, the first person he met was the grocer. "You still owe me for last week's flour delivery. I want my money. Now!"
Reluctantly, the baker gave the $100 to the grocer.
The grocer walked across the street to the lawyer's office. Oddly, even though it was still early, the door was locked. He pounded on it.
The lawyer came to the door, a bit disheveled. The grocer said "Here's the retainer you needed to start my divorce. Get things going" and he left.
A few minutes later a prostitute came out of the lawyer's office tucking a $100 bill in her blouse. She walked across the street to the hotel and went up to the counter. "Henry, here's your $100 for the month. Thanks for the tip about the guy in Room 212. I made a bundle." She laid the bill on the counter.
Just then the elevator door opened, the tourist came out. "I'm sorry, that room just won't do". He picked up the $100 bill and left.
Keep in mind. In this story, only the lawyer got screwed. | That makes my head hurt. Reminds me of how banks work, buying stuff with money they don't really have.
__________________
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me | |
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12-08-2011, 03:37 PM
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#131 | | I like it hot and wet! Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tonganoxie, KS
Posts: 2,166
| Quote:
Originally Posted by LeCig | The Poster Girl for mandatory sterilization!
__________________
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me | |
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12-08-2011, 03:40 PM
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#132 | | I like it hot and wet! Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tonganoxie, KS
Posts: 2,166
| Quote:
Originally Posted by Shekinahsgroom | Light travels faster than sound, and this is why some people like this young lady appear bright until they open their mouths.
__________________
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me | |
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12-08-2011, 05:33 PM
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#133 | | True Gamer Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Washington
Posts: 264
| 3 guys were walking down a beach, a black guy, a mexican and i white guy. they come across a lamp and rub it. a genie pops out and says, "you each get one wish." genie turns to the black guy and says, "what's your wish?" black guy says, "i want all of my brothers to be happy and free and in africa!" Poof! all of the black guys are happy and in africa. genie turns to the mexican and says, "what's your wish?" mexican replies,"i want all of my essays to be happy and free and in Mexico!" Poof! all of the mexicans are happy and free in mexico. Genie turns to the white guy and says, "what's your wish?" White guy replies, "you mean to tell me all the blacks and Mexicans are out of america?" Genie replies, "yes." White guy says, "I'll have a coke then."
__________________
Life is like a penis, it gets hard.
Life is like Tetris, do a good thing, it disappears. All the errors, they accumulate. In the end, everyone loses. | |
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12-08-2011, 05:40 PM
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#134 | | Alright, Who Farted!!?? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,537
| Quote:
Originally Posted by VanguArd 3 guys were walking down a beach, a black guy, a mexican and i white guy. they come across a lamp and rub it. a genie pops out and says, "you each get one wish." genie turns to the black guy and says, "what's your wish?" black guy says, "i want all of my brothers to be happy and free and in africa!" Poof! all of the black guys are happy and in africa. genie turns to the mexican and says, "what's your wish?" mexican replies,"i want all of my essays to be happy and free and in Mexico!" Poof! all of the mexicans are happy and free in mexico. Genie turns to the white guy and says, "what's your wish?" White guy replies, "you mean to tell me all the blacks and Mexicans are out of america?" Genie replies, "yes." White guy says, "I'll have a coke then." | So Van, when your next KKK meeting? | |
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12-09-2011, 11:11 AM
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#135 | | Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 2,352
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12-09-2011, 12:06 PM
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#136 | | Modder Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: rhode island usa
Posts: 2,957
| Quote:
Originally Posted by LeCig | Glock is a light service weapon..
1911 imho.. 45acp... | |
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12-09-2011, 01:14 PM
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#137 | | Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 2,352
| This just in
Holiday Warning...Please, take care of yourself.
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who drink bottled water, starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks, and shit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents. SEE!
This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.
LOL | |
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12-09-2011, 01:34 PM
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#138 | | Alright, Who Farted!!?? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,537
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12-09-2011, 05:11 PM
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#139 | | True Gamer Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Washington
Posts: 264
| LOL shek, i love colored people, bur unfortunately, the only jokes i know are racist.
__________________
Life is like a penis, it gets hard.
Life is like Tetris, do a good thing, it disappears. All the errors, they accumulate. In the end, everyone loses. | |
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12-09-2011, 08:59 PM
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#140 | | Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: In Your Dreams
Posts: 3,601
| Quote:
Originally Posted by VanguArd LOL shek, i love colored people, bur unfortunately, the only jokes i know are racist. | I think you love colouring more!!!  | |
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12-09-2011, 09:52 PM
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#141 | | True Gamer Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Washington
Posts: 264
| LMFAO! yes, as you can see, i'm a black 6 year old myself and I LOVE COLORING!!!
__________________
Life is like a penis, it gets hard.
Life is like Tetris, do a good thing, it disappears. All the errors, they accumulate. In the end, everyone loses. | |
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12-13-2011, 03:57 PM
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#142 | | Alright, Who Farted!!?? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,537
| Alright, who told Santa he drop a slider down the chimney!!?? 
Last edited by Shekinahsgroom; 12-13-2011 at 07:02 PM..
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12-15-2011, 07:36 AM
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#143 | | I like it hot and wet! Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tonganoxie, KS
Posts: 2,166
|
__________________
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me | |
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12-15-2011, 07:58 AM
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#144 | | Couldnt take it anymore Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Mod impersonation carries a stiff penalty YKWYA
Posts: 10,761
| A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says “Hey, don’t you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn’t you see the giant warning on the box?!”
“That’s OK” says the guy, puffing casually “I’m a computer programmer”
“So? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“We don’t care about warnings. We only care about errors.”
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12-15-2011, 08:00 AM
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#145 | | Couldnt take it anymore Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Mod impersonation carries a stiff penalty YKWYA
Posts: 10,761
| Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes.
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12-15-2011, 08:58 AM
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#146 | | I like it hot and wet! Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tonganoxie, KS
Posts: 2,166
| A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow, that's a huge lighter...where did you get it?" The guy replies "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."
"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."
The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie.
The guy says, "I want a million bucks!" "Done" says the genie and disappears.
A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.
"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"
__________________
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me | |
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12-15-2011, 09:08 AM
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#147 | | Vapezilla Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Heaven
Posts: 9,724
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12-15-2011, 12:00 PM
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#148 | | True Gamer Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Washington
Posts: 264
| Quote:
Originally Posted by berger Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes. | LMFAO!
__________________
Life is like a penis, it gets hard.
Life is like Tetris, do a good thing, it disappears. All the errors, they accumulate. In the end, everyone loses. | |
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12-15-2011, 01:15 PM
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#149 | | Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: From Above
Posts: 49
| Quote:
Originally Posted by berger Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes. | The Patch
__________________
The End Must Be Near-Smoke Free And A Vapeaholic Since 08/22/11 | |
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12-15-2011, 01:23 PM
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#150 | | Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Arkansas
Posts: 2,352
| You could look like a Nico Pirate ... ARRRR  | |
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